Posts tagged rick santorum
The Downfall of Santorum
Santorum's Greatest Hits:
- His shock-and-awwwwwww campaign against abusive puppy mills.
- His complete and total reversal on campaign finance.
- The wrestling journalist who described his 1989 conversation with Santorum as “asshole central.”
- This quiz.
- His principled opposition to human–jellyfish hybrids.
- His
- defense of anti-sodomy laws.
- His love of coal.
- His bizarre attack on single mothers—and equally bizarre end-times theory about Iran.
- The fact that Obamacare was designed to help families like his—whether he admits it or not.
- His traveling roadshow, which included the aforemention dude with the pickup truck, and the overwhelming majority of the Duggars.
- His bizarre assault on prenatal testing, which he called a coordinated effort “cull the ranks of the disabled in our society.”
- His tendency to get sidetracked by arguing with college kids about gay marriage.
- And…his Google problem.
Fucking Santorum
I have a special book that was written five thousand years before we knew what an atom was, by people too stupid to get out of the desert.
I hope someone gifts life to Santy’s bum.
Remember in 2008 when the GOP said this would happen in 2010? It’s 2012. Are we really still afraid of the big scary black man who’s out to take our guns and ‘extinguish’ our religions? Fuck! Off! Santorum!
I hope Rick Santorum irritates his gums while flossing his teeth and they get all puffy and red for a few hours.
I hope Rick Santorum’s doctor forgets to warm up his stethoscope before he puts it on his back and he is uncomfortably cold for a few seconds.
I hope Rick Santorum backs out of his driveway and hits his mailbox, knocking it crooked and dinging his SUV.
I hope Rick Santorum puts his Mr. Rogers sweater on backwards and only realizes it after he’s given a speech on television.
I hope Rick Santorum’s favorite crayon breaks.
I hope Rick Santorum forgets he has a cut on his hand and puts on hand sanitizer.
I hope Rick Santorum is drinking tea, reaches for a lemon, and all the juice squirts in his eye instead of the cup.
I hope Rick Santorum’s Redbox rental falls under the couch and he can’t find it for over a week and has to pay $10 for a movie he didn’t even have time to watch.
I hope Rick Santorum irritates his gums while flossing his teeth and they get all puffy and red for a few hours.
I hope Rick Santorum’s doctor forgets to warm up his stethoscope before he puts it on his back and he is uncomfortably cold for a few seconds.
I hope Rick Santorum backs out of his driveway and hits his mailbox, knocking it crooked and dinging his SUV.
I hope Rick Santorum puts his Mr. Rogers sweater on backwards and only realizes it after he’s given a speech on television.
I hope Rick Santorum’s favorite crayon breaks.
I hope Rick Santorum forgets he has a cut on his hand and puts on hand sanitizer.
I hope Rick Santorum has a particularly messy bowel movement and then realizes he’s out of toilet paper.
I hope Rick Santorum eats an orange and bites down on a seed and it feels unpleasant.
I hope Rick Santorum gets a visit from an old high school bully and, rather than getting the apology he expected, he gets a purple nurple, an Indian arm burn, and a swirlie.
I hope Rick Santorum irritates his gums while flossing his teeth and they get all puffy and red for a few hours.
I hope Rick Santorum’s doctor forgets to warm up his stethoscope before he puts it on his back and he is uncomfortably cold for a few seconds.
I hope Rick Santorum backs out of his driveway and hits his mailbox, knocking it crooked and dinging his SUV.
OH SNAP!
Rick Santorum is a fucking tool.
YES!!! OMG YES!
And, of course, a video response.
It’s like a well of idiocy sprouting up in a desert of misinformation during an intelligence drought.
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